What do you think of this & what can happen next? x?

Becky let her hair fall just past her shoulders. She was tired and the music was ringing in her ears, she couldn’t hear herself think. Slowly she began to scan the party looking for Louis, she needed him to take her home. After a few minutes she realised all hope was in vain so she went to the host’s bedroom and sat on a window ledge and sighed. She was drunk and she knew it, all of a sudden she was fascinated that when she breathed out a cloud of smoke appeared on the window. Becky grabbed her blackberry and sent him a text. Then after waiting she went outside and sat on a wall nearby.

The wind was howling, the branches danced and the leaves swirled all around her. She brushed her dark hair out of her eyes. Her eyes blinked several times getting use to the darkness closing in on her. She pushed the thought of her warm double bed behind her and boldly walked down the winding narrow road. She felt her blackberry vibrating in her pocket yet she ignored it, she didn’t have time, Louis wouldn’t leave her on her own. All she could hear was her pumps meeting the pavement, quickening their pace every now and then. A few tears glistened on her pale cheeks and Becky angrily wiped them away and sighed. She stood still for a minute or two collecting her thoughts, letting her tears fall silently. She should never have gone to the stupid party anyway. Becky sat down on a nearby wall and bit her lip, smudging her red lipstick.

Then Louis appeared from the shadows, his hair blending into the night, at the bottom of the lane. Becky remained silent and quickly moved further into the shadows leaving him to follow. When they reached the bridge she paused and looked at him, in the well lit street he noticed her face was streaked with tears. As usual Louis didn’t say anything, he watched, he felt really awkward when girls let out their emotions. He didn’t know what Becky expected of him, he’d come out of his best friend’s party to go visit his mother’s grave, that was nice of him wasn’t it? He couldn’t deal with the water works as well. When at last Becky realised that Louis wasn’t going to say anything she ran faster than before, she was wrong to have asked him to come. She should have just gone alone. Louis sighed he knew he had upset Becky but he was tired and not in the mood. Louis was extremely drunk. It took all his effort not to just turn back.

When he reached Becky, she was in a mess. She’d lost her jacket on concentrating on getting away from him. Her so carefully put on mascara was dripping down her face and her eyeliner was just a black smudge. He used a lot of effort not to laugh he’d never seen her like this. Becky never cried in front of anyone especially in front of Louis and her friends. Though when Becky looked up and frowned he realized she didn’t care about that. She was wondering why had he even bothered to come with her? He obviously wished he could be in any other place other than with her. Louis glared at Becky. He hated it when she looked at him like that, he kept thinking I haven’t done anything wrong so she can’t be mad at me. Though in his opinion he never did anything wrong.

Becky turned round and acted like he wasn’t there at all, and sobbed

Chosen Answer:

You will need to edit the ending so that these three sentences match when Louis and Becky see each other, but I think you can do it.

“She looked at Louis for a brief moment and their eyes were locked on each other. Then suddenly, Becky disappeared. Louis was surrounded in a thick cloud of darkness and left alone to find his way back to the party.”
by:
on: 5th November 11

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One Response to “What do you think of this & what can happen next? x?”

  1. George says:

    You will need to edit the ending so that these three sentences match when Louis and Becky see each other, but I think you can do it.

    “She looked at Louis for a brief moment and their eyes were locked on each other. Then suddenly, Becky disappeared. Louis was surrounded in a thick cloud of darkness and left alone to find his way back to the party.”

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